babies getting married in nc

as some of you know, i © good morning america and now that i once again live by myself i watch it EVERY morning. one might call my mix of waking up to NPR, watching GMA until i leave the house and then NPRing it all the way to work a bit of a contradiction, but i don't care. and while we're talking NPR, GOD do i miss KUT in austin! the NPR station in richmond is so old school. but i digress...

so last week, there was this story on GMA about a 16-year-old girl in north carolina who married her 40-year-old track coach. there are so many things wrong with this scenario, i don't even know where to begin. it's just this kind of thing that makes me never want to have children. not that i think my kids will end up like this poor girl (because they would never be so foolish), it's just that i'm afraid they would be surrounded by over-indulged little brats like little miss windy from nc.

which leads me to my first point. one of the characteristics of members of this unfortunate teen's generation is that they don't know the meaning of "no." this lovely trait has reared its ugly head a bunch in my life in recent years. "kids these days" (cracks me up that i'm almost old enough to say that) have never been told no in their lives and, therefore, do not take criticism well. try giving a performance review to an individual who has never been told they were anything less than absolutely wonderful. they make excuses, they deny and they try to talk their way out of it. which is exactly what miss windy did. she wasn't used to not getting her way and so she made her parents believe that they had no choice but to sign the consent forms and let her marry mr. track coach.

my second point is, these parents are nuts. they claim to have had access to incriminating emails and text messages and still both the school and the local authorities wouldn't listen? i don't buy it. i don't think 2 AM text messages fall into what anyone would call a healthy student-teacher relationship. i'm gonna have to call bullshit on that one. you had all the evidence you needed to at the very least get the teacher fired and you screwed it up. i don't feel sorry for you.

my third point is, if all else fails remove your child from the situation. i understand that you may actually have to move the whole family out of coastal north carolina (trust me, you'll live) or ship your daughter off to boarding school, but i'm sure in the long run you'll find it worth the cost and trouble. you might have to trouble yourself to monitor your child very closely or send her to therapy or alert her new school of this issue or, i don't know, TAKE AWAY ALL CELL PHONE AND EMAIL PRIVILEGES, but again, you'll all live.

so what have we learned from this charade? TELL YOUR CHILDREN NO, PEOPLE! at the very least, it will prepare them for the real world that's full of disappointment and on a good day it'll prevent your teenage daughter from running away with a man that's old enough to be her father.

her father's response to the impending nuptials was "signing those consent forms was the hardest thing i did in my whole life." brace yourself, pops. it may be the hardest thing that you've done thus far, but i bet throwing her a baby shower 6 months from now will be harder. i'd put $50 on it.

dogs are so nuts

so i got this picture from my good friend jess today. it still cracks me up to look at it. it is of her dog, raleigh, playing on a slip 'n slide with her (jess', not raleigh's) two adorable nephews, cullen and caden. so a little background about raleigh. she is one-and-a-half year old crazy little sheltie who loves to bark and growl at just about everything. we have no idea why. it cracks us up most of the time and even mimi (who, as most of you know, growls at everything) thinks it's a bit excessive. i love that she found the slip 'n slide so menacing that it warrented a full-on teeth show. nicely done, rals. nicely done.

mimi and i miss ya, little girl. take care of your mom and dad for us!

i found a house!

i'm so excited i could just spit! i won't do that, but i will post pictures as soon as i have them. i move in august 1, so don't hold your breath.

the vatican is WHACK

um, so is anyone else troubled by the vatican's newly issued "ten commandments of the road"? ok, maybe not troubled...but amused at least? my favorite part was when the report said something about driving being such a big part of contemporary life. a bit behind the times aren't we, pope-ey? ever heard of the internet? cell phones? digital music? no? let's regroup in, say, 100 years or so and we'll publish the church's opinion on those things.

i love that the vatican is willing to venture into the modern world to tell us how to drive our cars, but it still refuses to teach its kids how to use condoms.

bumbling bloomberg

okay, michael bloomberg, you're no longer a republican (not that you ever really were one to begin with). okay, great. what next? should we mark our calendars for your next ideology shift? same time, same place, 2010?

time to make up your mind, son. you've tried about as many parties in your career as i did outfits this morning. one thing the american people don't need right now is indecision, so good thing you're "not running for president," 'cause you wouldn't get my vote. i don't have time to think about you anyway 'cause the democrats' race is far more interesting.

which also begs the question: if you knew you didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning a presidential election, would you still run? granted, i'll never be in that position (thank god), but at a certain point you just have to cut your losses. it's like lovely leslie (for those of you who aren't from austin, he's this crossdressing formerly-homeless lush that runs in every austin mayoral election). there's no way he's going to win, but he runs every year. why put forth the effort? okay, i realize i just likened bloomberg to a drunk fairy (sorry, man) and that it was a pretty bad analogy. maybe leslie is more like ross perot (both are scary and like to run for office)???

i don't get it

i'm not sure i understand this video. i mean, clearly this man likes beef in the booty, but why does he keep saying "what what"? is he asking for a surprise? does he not understand what being a bottom entails? has he just begun to understand that he likes boys and is trying to figure out how the whole sex thing works? ha ha.

not sure why, but this make me laugh so hard my belly hurts every time i watch it.

i hate carpet

10 reasons CARPET SUCKS (and i will never put it down in any house i own):
1. it holds smells
2. it stains
3. when it's clean, it never gleams
4. you can't clean it with any product made by swiffer (no, those damned "carpet flick" things don't work for shit)
5. you don't know who or what has been on it before you (for those of us who rent)
6. it just can't be all that sanitary
7. again, it holds smells
8. to get it really clean, you have to pay someone to steam clean it
9. mimi has been known to throw caution to the wind and pretend it's grass in a pinch
10. spaghetti sauce or red wine + carpet + me = disastrous results. i was so worried living in this corporate apartment that mimi would stain the hell out of the carpet and so far the score is ryan: 2, mimi: 0. in the week i have lived here i have spilled both spaghetti sauce and red wine on this frigging carpet. thank god for all free and clear detergent and my travel toothbrush.

long live hardwood floors and area rugs!!!

house-hunting blows

all i have to say is I HATE LOOKING FOR A NEW PLACE TO LIVE. richmond is not exactly overflowing with decent rental property and since i require ridiculous things like a washer/dryer, a fenced yard that mimi can actually run in and non stinky walls and flooring, i am having a hell of a time finding something acceptable. ugh. do you think i could pay someone to read my mind and do all this hunting for me? do you think they would accept mimi love as a form of payment? she really is the cutest doggie ever and i'm not exactly rollin' in dough these days.

it's friday!!!

hello, loyal readers. i think at this point it's just you, lib. and for that i love you.

so this is my first friday at my new job. the week has gone well overall, but i'm ready to be settled and get down to business. i know, i need to be patient, but anyone who knows me well knows that patience is not really my thing.

so this weekend one of my best friends, miss rachel applegate, is coming down from dc to hang for the weekend. we don't have much planned except for looking at a few houses for me, doing a bit of shopping, getting pedis and exploring richmond. not bad for my first weekend here!

maybe i'll think of something cool to write about later today...

happy friday, all!

at least i'm not the only one who sold out

this really never gets old...

tipping is out of control

i'm in full-on "americans are whack jobs" mode, so you've been warned.

so i was at the grocery store today while i was checking out i noticed that the guy helping me bag my groceries was placing them in a cart that i can only assume exists solely for nice guys to carry bags out for little old ladies. i am clearly not a little old lady so i began placing the bags i assembled myself into the basket i pushed around the store. i was trying to bag quickly so i would have more in my cart than he would in his and maybe this nice man would get the hint that i didn't need help out to my car. i finally had to say "i'm fine. i don't need help out." in the nicest possible way, but he insisted on following me out to my car.

now, i'm sure this man was looking for me to throw him a couple of bucks for the help out to my car, but i didn't give him a dime. call me what you will, but it was pretty clear that i didn't need or want help. am i obligated to tip someone that helps me against my wishes? i think not.

which brings me to another point. this country is nuts for millions of reasons, but one of those is the whole tipping culture. i know it's customary to tip waiters, bellboys, skycaps, hotel maids (i just learned about this one not that long ago), but why? when i lived in australia, you only tipped waiters and none of the other three listed above. and there was none of this 15% rule stuff. if the waiter did a good job, you threw him 10% at the most. if the service was bad, you maybe left a buck or two. waiters in australia make a lot more money in base salary than they do in the states, but still. i hate tipping. it makes me feel awful. it makes me feel like i am saying that person is only worth the $2 i just handed them. why can't we pay people a fair wage and not perpetuate this whole awkward tipping custom?

on a side note: i don't know if this is a southern thing, a ukrop's thing (yes, that is the name of a grocery store in this burg) or just me being uber-perceptive, but there were no corrals for empty grocery carts in the parking lot of the store. oh, ukrop's. so sly. nice men have to follow customers out to their cars 'cause otherwise the empty baskets would sit in the middle of the parking lot. i wonder how much they make in tips every day...

first week in richmond

so it's my first week in richmond and today is my second day at my new job. at any rate, i've listed below a few funny things about this town that i've observed over the past few days:

1. the city of richmond does not reside in a county. does anyone else find that odd? basically you either live in "the city" or in "the counties." curious...
2. downtown richmond contains tons of cobblestone streets. really quaint and all, but also a big pain in the ass if you own an suv.
3. there is no traffic here. no shit. i mean, i currently reside at the end of the earth (in richmond terms at least) and it takes me 20 minutes to get to work. and it's smooth sailing all the way. all hail small towns.
4. the james river that runs through town is serious shit. it has some level 4 (or something like that) rapids right in the middle of the city. i need to learn to kayak. stat.
5. there is a street in this town called monument ave that contains monuments of several civil war heroes. after all, richmond was the capital of the confederacy and all. at any rate, you have j.e.b. stuart, robert e. lee, jefferson davis, stonewall jackson, matthew fontaine maury (another civil war dude i had never heard of)...and...arthur ashe. now am i the only one puzzled by this addition to the avenue???

stay tuned for more interesting factoids about my new city of residence. you really never know what will happen here. after all, it is the south and all...

here goes...

in light of my recent decision to pick up and move to central virginia, i've decided to start a blog. now, please note that this here blog has no set direction or real point, so don't expect much. i might write while at work, i might write at 3 AM after a long night of beer-drinking. i really can't say at the moment. so get ready to hear about my new life on the east coast!