wow, it's been awhile

hidey-ho, loyal readers (read: hi mom). so it's been awhile since i've written. and not much has happened in my life. shocking, i know. i've got three things to report.

1. thanksgiving was wonderful. rachel and i slaved away over a hot stove for days (well, a few hours at least) preparing a fabulous meal for everyone. it actually turned out quite well...we were so pleased with ourselves. it was so great to have mom, grammie, cam and rachel in town to share turkey day with me. we ate a ton, drank an insane amount of wine and beer, watched the ags smack the 'horns (*tear*), played games, ate some more, watched movies and even took a trip to monticello one day! all-in-all it was the best weekend i could have hoped for. thanks, everyone, for making the trek down to the mond. so glad you came!

2. work has been insane. that's basically all i do these days. and when i'm not working, i'm lying still like vegetables. i have no desire to do anything requiring brain power when i'm not working away. but things are going well on the job front, so that's good. working on two pieces of business has been a challenge, but hopefully it will pay off in the long run. learning more and more every day about this crazy thing we call the interweb, so that's just more fuel for the old resume. not that i'm thinking about going anywhere any time soon, but i've learned that in advertising (as in most fields), you're only as good as your resume says you are. but whatever, i'm getting great experience here...after all, that was the goal.

3. i am, as i type, sitting in the richmond airport waiting to board my flight back to texas for the holidays. halle-freaking-lujah. i haven't been home in 6 months, so, as you can imagine i am psyched. i have 9 whole days of doing not-a-whole-hell-of-a-lot in front of me. i'll be in austin with mom through christmas and then in boerne with dad until i fly back to the mond on the 29th. i may end up in dc to ring in the new year with rachel, but i may just stay in richmond and spend time with mimi. who knows.

everyone have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones. i may try to write more from texas, but i may not get around to it. i promise to post more regularly in 2008.

xoxoxoxo
me

almost time for turkey!

sorry, guys, that you haven't had much to read lately. things at work have been exceptionally busy lately, so when i have down time i try to use my brain as little as possible.

but it's almost thanksgiving, which means that it's almost time for mom, grammie, cam and rachel to invade the mond and keep me company for the holiday. i'm so excited (and grateful) that they are coming to visit for the long weekend.

i'll be sure to store up loads of good stories from the visit and post lots of pictures to help illustrate.

i hope this post finds everyone headed to spend thanksgiving with people you're truly thankful for.

love you all!

amy and 'tine tied the knot!

i was in kansas city this weekend for amy and justin's wedding. for those of you who don't know who i'm talking about, i'll tell you the story. amy and i have been friends since we were 9. she'll tell you we were 10 when we met and that it was the summer of 1990, but i say we were 9. we've been arguing over this point for years. at any rate, she has a younger sister named julie who is cam's age, so needless to say the 4 of us pal-ed around every summer of our formative years. we attended day camp together, rode bikes like it was our job, caused trouble, had countless sleepovers...you get the drift. she's one of my oldest friends and i love her dearly.

so she grew up in kansas city (divorced parents: one in kc and one in houston), so that's where she and her now hubbie, justin, settled. and i was up there over the weekend playing bridesmaid. what a fabulous weekend! amy, justin, julie, her boyfriend marc, cam and me all bunked at their tiny 3-bedroom house and made it through the weekend with only one bathroom! it was so great to have the 4 of us back together and the relative newcomers justin and marc fit right in and didn't miss a beat. let's hope cam and i end up with people who will tolerate the ridiculousness as well as justin and marc do. it's amazing that when you've been friends with someone for so long you can go 6 or 8 months between visits and still just pick up where you left off. so fun.

the wedding and all associated festivities were flawlessly executed (clearly, we're talking about amy here) and absolutely beautiful. my stomach still hurts from laughing so hard at julie and cam (it's amazing how so little has changed over the years), i'm a bit tired from the trip but i'm so thankful i was able to be a part of it all. congrats, guys!

love and miss you,
jan and dad

oh, and i have to add that cam and marc almost missed the ceremony because they decided that it was a really great idea to go watch the ut/nebraska game at a bar at 3:30 before the 6:30 ceremony. what they didn't realize is that while they knew how to get from amy/justin's house to the bar, they had absolutely no idea how to get from there to the church. why am i not surprised? thank god they made friends at the bar who both knew how to get to the church and were willing to give the two boys a ride. julie and i were making bets in the limo on the way to the church on how late they would be. both of us lost 'cause they were right on time, but just barely. as cam said, "i'm dumb. but marc is dumber." we're blaming this one on marc, but i'm sure there the total score will be more like cam: 100, marc: 43. cam does far more dumb things in the grand scheme of things as we all know. but it makes for some great stories and that's why we love him!

here's a great one of the 4 of us at the rehearsal dinner.

little of this, little of that

never fear, loyal readers. i am alive. just haven't had a whole hell of a lot to say lately. ok, let's be honest, i never want for things to say. let's just say, i've had nothing blog-worthy happen to me lately.

i do have a few updates for you.

1. last week i officially started working on a new piece of business at work. i am now splitting my time between bfgoodrich tires online and the alliance for climate protection. you know me, i'm not happy unless i'm constantly challenged. so now that mr. al gore has an oscar and a nobel prize under his belt, he's decided to start spreading the word (via mass media) about impending climate change. and i get to be a part of that! FREAKING EXCITING! it will be so great to be a part of something bigger than selling chips. i knew there was a way to use my ad experience and do something worthwhile. things are looking up.

2. fall is upon us here in the mond of rich. leaves are falling, i've busted out the sweaters and i actually visited a pumpkin patch last weekend and bought a few to adorn my porch. so freaking domestic. kinda makes me wanna puke, but i'm not used to experiencing autumn so cut me some slack. i'm trying to do it up right. so there are 2 pumpkins and a crazy green and white striped gourd perched on my stoop. of course, mimi doesn't understand that they are, in fact, inanimate and growls at them every chance she gets. dumbass.

3. there is a show on tlc right now about some crazy couple that has 17 children. jesus. this woman has been having children for 26 years. am i the only one who thinks that's insane???

ok, mimi has started sawing logs next to me on the couch, so i guess it's time to hit the sack. do you think dogs can have sleep apnea? i'll have to research that this week. love you all and will write more soon.

my genius dog

uh oh. the meemster has figured out that the mail slot leads out onto the front porch. what she doesn't understand is that it is, in fact, a mail slot and not a doggie door. good effort, meems, good effort.

mad men

new favorite tv show = mad men on amc

i highly recommend it. i have a huge crush on don draper.

IT'S FALL!!!

one of the more redeeming qualities of the mond of rich (as i like to call it) is that it actually experiences what most americans refer to as seasons. now, we texans don't really understand the whole concept of four seasons because texas (well, the parts that i grew up in at least) fluctuates between "hot and humid" and "cool and grey." sometimes if we're lucky we get 3 weeks or so of both spring and fall, but most of the time summer lasts from april through october. terrible.

now richmond, on the other hand, has real fall. real fall??? what a concept! leaves turn beautiful colors and fall to the ground. mornings are cool and crisp and sound travels for miles. wow. we had a beautiful week last week where highs were in the low 70s and lows were in the 50s at night. having the option of leaving the windows open at night is such a novelty in my world. can you tell i'm excited about the seasons changing?

call me pathetic, but the onset of fall is one of the most exciting things that's going on in my world at the moment.

toodles!

powerful women in a man's world

does it seem crazy to anyone else that forbes' list of the top 100 most powerful women includes 2 women that work in packaged goods? i'm sorry, but how powerful can the woman in charge of producing, distributing and marketing sugary sodas and potato chips be? i can't believe she's just one off from good old condi. well, maybe i can. condi probably likes soda and chips as much as the rest of us.

1. Angela Merkel: Chancellor of Germany
2. Wu Yi: Vice Premier of China
3. Ho Ching: Chief executive, Temasek Holdings (Singapore)
4. Condoleezza Rice: U.S. Secretary of State
5. Indra K. Nooyi: Chairman, chief executive, PepsiCo
6. Sonia Gandhi: President, India's Congress Party
7. Cynthia Carroll: Chief executive, Anglo American
8. Patricia A. Woertz: Chairman, Archer Daniels Midland
9. Irene Rosenfeld: Chairman, chief executive, Kraft Foods
10. Patricia Russo: Chief executive, Alcatel-Lucent

quite possibly the most interesting part of this random discovery (don't ask what possessed me to look up the world's most powerful women, 'cause i really couldn't tell you) is the other lists in forbes' "people" category. now what percentage of the people in the other lists are men do you think? i'd say 90 or so (excluding the women's list, of course). it's funny that women are 50% of the population and still so powerless in the grand scheme of things.

400 Richest Americans
Australia & New Zealand's 40 Richest
China's 40 Richest
Greater China's 40 Richest
India's 40 Richest
Israel's 40 Richest
Japan's 40 Richest
Korea's 40 Richest
Malaysia's 40 Richest
Midas 100: Tech's Top Dealmakers
Most Powerful Celebrities
The Forbes Fictional 15
The 40 Richest Turks
Top-Earning CEOs
Top-Earning Dead Celebrities
Wall Street's Top Analysts
World's Billionaires
World's Most Powerful Women

time flies?

so i just realized today that i have been in richmond for a little over three months. i'm not sure if i think it's been a longer or shorter period of time. i still have such mixed feelings about this place...

just thought y'all should know. i love and miss you all!

turning left

ok, so i'm a firm believer in my credo. clearly, 'cause who has a credo that they don't espouse? but i digress...

i'll try anything once.*

in the spirit of upholding my credo, i attended my very first nascar race last weekend. needless to say, it was an experience. i came upon a free ticket and i figured when else am i going to live in a town that has a track. so i went. in a word, wow.

10 things i learned about nascar:
1. everyone has a favorite driver. and if you don't, you pretend.
2. jorts (read: knee-length acid washed men's jeans) are what the cool cats wear.
3. miller high life really is the champagne of beers.
4. corn hole is a cool game (http://www.playcornhole.org/). no, it really is.
5. commencing drinking at noon for a 7:30 PM race is "getting started late".
6. sporting an american flag string bikini when you're a 65-year-old gigumbi is perfectly acceptable.
7. you really can bring your own beer with you into the race. i wish other sporting events were so accomodating.
8. earplugs are a must if you don't want to do permanent damage to your hearing.
9. a single race produces more pollutants than the city of richmond does in an entire month (i made this up, but the thickness of the exhaust was pretty shocking).
10. nascar is to the southeast what rodeo is to texas. if you didn't grow up with it, you just won't get it.

i kept thinking that everyone in the crowd knew something i didn't. no offense to nascar fans, but i just don't understand why watching dudes drive fast in a circle is exciting. but, to each his own.

*with some exceptions, of course, which include but are not limited to the following: intravenous drugs, consuming entrails and the like, prostutution...you get the idea.

more house pics

Alrighty, here are the rest of the pictures of my house.

This is the hallway off the living room that leads to the bathroom and three bedrooms. See the console table on the right? That'll help you figure out where you are.

The first door on the right is the bathroom. Pretty standard for an old house, but I do love the black and white retro tile.

The room at the end of the hallway is the guest room. It is the largest of the three bedrooms (only slightly), but I decided to use it as a guest room since it was at the front of the house and didn't fit my bedroom furniture very well. But the daybed works well under the windows, so I'm happy. Oh, and the pink and green were left from a previous tenant. Yet another reason I didn't want this as my bedroom.

The next door to the left is my bedroom. Here's the view as you walk in. It's a bit of a tight squeeze, but I do have a whole house to myself, so I'm okay if my boudoir is a bit small.

Here's the view standing in front of the dresser and mirror looking back at the bed. All the old decor made it into the new house, so thank god I didn't have to buy anything.

And the last room off the hall is the "office" complete with dark wood paneling. Not my first choice, but I kinda like it. Makes me want to wear a smoking jacket and light up a pipe. Good sized room and it serves its purpose as an office/dog kennel room. Mimi loves it 'cause it's dark and she can snooze away in her own room.

So there you have it. This will be my home for the next few years. Feel free to come visit anytime!

words to live by

a former co-worker (and great friend) jori's 6-year-old son walker wrote up a list of tips to help us all live a healthier life. i have the original (well, a copy of the original) hanging above my desk to help me stick to my guns. i have written them below, complete with his adorable kindergarten spelling.

1. stae awae fom drugs
2. eat helthee food
3. hav more grane
4. do not eat much fat

such great tips! walker, you are wise beyond your years.

nutso football fans

did anyone hear about the OU fan that grabbed the UT fan in the balls? people are nuts! (pun intended)

so apparently these two guys were in a bar in oklahoma city and the OU fan said something to the UT fan about his burnt orange t-shirt. the UT fan then defended himself to the OU fan and the OU fan freaked out a bit and grabbed the UT fan in the balls. apparently there was real damage done. i won't go into specifics, but if you'd like to read the full article, be my guest.
http://www.nbc5i.com/sports/13968715/detail.html?better_headline

now, i'm not a guy, but does it seem strange to anyone else that grabbing the UT fan in the nuts was the OU fan's first reaction? seems to me a good old punch in the face would suffice, but again, i'm not a guy.

maybe ball grabs are the way of the new world. land lines have given way to cell phones, the virtual world has replaced the real world and good old fashioned bar fights are just that, old fashioned.

and, on top of everything, the alleged nutgrabber is a deacon. so many directions i could take that one, but i will refrain and retain the singular focus of the post.

house pics...finally

ok, loyal readers. i have finally taken pictures of my house! sorry it took so long, but here goes.

here's my cute little street. kinda reminds me of braeburn back in bellaire.

and here's the front of the house. here in richmond, it's called a cape cod. i know that's what these little postage stamp-sized houses are called all over the country, but richmonders actually use that terminology in casual conversation.

here's the living room. as you can see, mimi already feels very at home here. eventually, there will be a big green sofa where the red chair is now. and i love the fireplace!

another fireplace view. see the big blank wall? that's where the sofa goes. i'll find another place for my beloved red chair.

here's the "entry way" with the new console table i bought. notice the two texas touches that travel with me wherever i go. lamp look familiar, carol?

here's the dining room. needs a little love, but my furniture fits well and it'll work for now.

here's the view of the kitchen as you walk in. why are the dishes piled up on the counter? oh, that's right. i have no dishwasher. bummer...

here's the view if you look right from the sink. random shelving at the end was left by a previous tenant. tons of storage for an old kitchen. notice the molas on the wall, grammie?

here's the view standing in front of the shelves looking back at the kitchen.

here's the mudroom that's off the back of the kitchen. it's 4 steps down, so that's why it's an overhead view. great storage and laundry room.

here's the view into the backyard from the mudroom. huge, eh?

if you look right from the back door, here's what you see. the picnic table made it all the way from texas!

and here's the view of the back of the house from the back fence. you'll notice that the grass is a little sparse, but hopefully it'll grow back with a little water and tlc.

it just occurred to me that i didn't take pictures of the bedrooms or the bathroom. i'll do that this week, i promise!

more unpacking

the new place is coming along. did a bit of furniture shopping over the weekend, but i still haven't gotten rid of all the boxes. ugh. there are always those few that never seem to get unpacked. but now i've got internet and cable, which is a step in the right direction.

that is all.

granny big box?

yeah, that headline sounds kinda dirty, doesn't it? but it made you read further. oh, the power of a racy headline...

so in the midst of my daily npr-filled commute home the other day, i heard an interesting/disturbing story. read below:
http://www.marketplace.org/shows/2007/08/06/PM200708066.html

so, for those of you who are too lazy to click over and read the thing, here's the gist. a store just opened in germany that's basically a wal-mart for the over 60 crowd. they sell clothing, housewares, etc. that are geared for granny. they sell comfortable shoes (they mention velcro in the article...ew), practical clothing and gadgets such as talking alarm clocks that could prove helpful.

now, on the surface that seems like a good idea. one-stop-shopping is great. but i can guaran-damned-tee that none of the stuff in there is particularly cool or well designed. it's like clothes in, as rachel calls it, "the fat girl section" of department stores. there are a few racks of decent ensembles in a sea of sheets with arm holes. dowdy, boring clothing. and i'm sure it's nothing but SAS shoes all 'round. no, no, no. i still have no idea who decided that all "comfortable" or "practical" clothing for real people has to be ugly and poorly made. if anyone finds him- or herself in germany in the immediate future, check this place out, will ya? i will bet you $20 everything in there is both practical and god-awful.

great business idea here, dad. invest in fashionable clothing for the over 60 crowd. time to start thinking about my inheritance, old man.

getting there, i promise

alrighty, loyal readers. i have moved into my new house, but i don't yet have the fantastical worldwide interweb at my disposal on the premises. as soon as comcast gets around to hooking that up, i'll write a newsy post about my new abode and...wait for it...post some pictures. don't die of shock. i found my camera cord. get excited!

my last carpet-related post

ha! i got the stains out! take that, temporary housing nazis.

if you must know, i used oxy clean's miracle foam. and unlike miracle max's chocolate coated pill, this miracle won't take a miracle to work. sprinkle some powder in a glass, pour water over it, stir it up and let it foam. then scrub scrub scrub with a toothbrush and you're good to go.

now, i just have to make sure mimi doesn't puke again (and i don't fall asleep with a glass of red wine in my hand) before i blow this popstand on friday morning. 8/3/07 marks the resumption of my formerly carpet-free life. praise holy things.

cable companies be damned!

2 things i do know:
1. antitrust laws do exist in this country (supposedly)
2. said laws clearly don't apply to cable companies (or other utility providers, for that matter)

why is it that i have only ever had one cable provider choice? doesn't that break tons of laws?

ok, so my lack of cable provider choice doesn't have anything to do with anti-trust laws really, but i just don't understand why i can't get away from the comcast/time warner black hole and i needed to say something about it.

which brings me back to another issue that's been plaguing me. if, in the city of houston (for example), i can choose my energy provider (be it green mountain, reliant, etc.) how exactly does that work? i mean, there is no way in hell that you actually change who provides juice to your house based on where you send your check every month. so they must do something like calculate the total usage for one area, divide that up by provider and then figure out how much each provider has to pay. no, that doesn't make sense. whatever. now you know what kind of stuff i'm thinking about when i'm staring off into space during status meetings. yeah, martin agency, you heard me. i may be an advertising genius, but i don't always pay attention. so there.

planet unicorn

why is this the funniest thing i've seen in a long time???

quote of the day

"my new job is okay. it sucks, but a lot less than my old one."

nicely done, jori.

more carpet woes

so remember a few weeks ago when i went on a tirade about carpet? the score is now even. mimi 2, ryan 2. she has become miss pukey-pants lately for some reason. i know, tmi. at any rate, i need to figure out how to get out of paying for all the damage we're doing. send ideas my way...lord knows i'll need them.

professional advice from me to you

i'm no expert, but i feel that in my years in the working world i have learned a few key lessons that this evening i feel the need to impart to my loyal readers. if that lot still only includes lib, rachel and my family then that's just sad.

1. don't shit where you eat. office romance is very rarely a good idea. you never want to pull a bridget jones "i have to leave my current job because i've shagged the boss" number. note to self: don't shag people you work with.
2. don't burn bridges. when you switch jobs, never tell your former employer to go fuck themselves no matter how much you might want to. you never know a) who will end up being your boss one day, b) if your former employer and future employer have ties of some kind and c)...can't really think of another reason. just be nice. gracefully resign, serve your two weeks and move on to greener pastures.
3. steer clear of office politics. yes, all offices have some sort of politics going on, but it's best to stay out of it. just do your job well and get out the door. if you let the bullshit get to you, you'll wind up washed up and bitter at 27. no, not me. i'm not bitter.
4. stay out of the gossip chain. if, at your company's annual holiday party, you're the girl that gets wasted and engages in some sort of lewd behavior, i'm telling you right now that you WILL be passed over come promotion time. rules of thumb: 3 drink maximum at office functions, don't show too much skin, keep your knees together and see #1 above.
5. make friends with the right people. you can only self-promote so much. if the right people notice what a stellar job you're doing, hopefully they'll drop your name and you'll eventually get recognized. you get my drift.
6. become really good at at least one thing. if you prove yourself indispensible in one area, you'll impress people and maybe save yourself if your employer ever goes through layoffs.
7. all they can say is no. por ejemplo: if you think you deserve more money, just ask. well, make a good case (i.e. bring written examples of how much you rock) and make your boss believe deep down that giving you $50K more a year is the right thing to do...right. but i digress. the worst that can happen is that you get turned down. at the very least, your boss will know you are unsatisfied with your current salary level and may be looking around for a new job. always good to subtly strike fear in the heart of your boss.
8. update your resume every 3 months. never be afraid to get it out there even if you're not ready for a new job. you never know what could turn up. if nothing else, you could get another job offer, wave it in your current employer's face and demand more dough. never done it personally, but if you have please let me know how it panned out.
9. don't be a brown-noser. people can smell a kiss-ass from a mile away. be yourself, people, and if you don't suck at life you'll do just fine.
10. nobody likes a workaholic. work to live and don't live to work. otherwise you'll wake up at 45 and, yeah, you might have $1 million in the bank but you'll be really unhappy. unless you like that sort of thing which means you clearly aren't my friend and aren't reading my crappy little blog.
11. don't be an asshole. just because you might be in a position of power doesn't mean you can treat people like shit. karma's a bitch and will definitely bite you in the ass one day.
12. always wear a suit to an interview. advertising can be pretty casual, but you always want to come across as a professional in an interview, so resist the urge to dress down. cliche or not, it's so true: you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
13. use spellcheck. seems like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many people don't spellcheck emails before they send them out. ridiculous. *note: blogspot.com does not have a spellcheck option.
14. have a firm grasp of written english. every professional has to write a ton of emails, presentations, memos, etc. you can't do that if you're not a decent writer. know how to differentiate between causal and professional writing. i'll give you a hint. this here blog ain't the professional kind.
15. ask good questions. be it in an interview, in a q&a session at a conference or at the end of an internal meeting. ask questions to enhance your own understanding, ask questions to let people around you know that your wheels are turning, whatever. just ask questions.

these are the basics that i live by. i'd love to hear some of yours!

rest in peace, bunky

i received a very sad email today. my sweet grammie who lives in georgetown, texas (a little town outside of austin) had to put her beloved dog, bunky, to sleep. makes me so sad. she was the cutest, scruffiest little girl you've ever seen. we think she was part terrier, but we're not sure what else was in there. whatever she was, she was a total love bug and my little grammie's constant companion. all you dog people out there know how difficult it is to lose your baby, so everyone keep my grammie in your thoughts today.

i'm still here, i promise

sorry i've been a bit absent lately. i spent all of last week lounging on the beautiful beaches of longboat key, florida. such a hardship, i know. as soon as i find the cord to my camera, i will upload pictures.

babies getting married in nc

as some of you know, i © good morning america and now that i once again live by myself i watch it EVERY morning. one might call my mix of waking up to NPR, watching GMA until i leave the house and then NPRing it all the way to work a bit of a contradiction, but i don't care. and while we're talking NPR, GOD do i miss KUT in austin! the NPR station in richmond is so old school. but i digress...

so last week, there was this story on GMA about a 16-year-old girl in north carolina who married her 40-year-old track coach. there are so many things wrong with this scenario, i don't even know where to begin. it's just this kind of thing that makes me never want to have children. not that i think my kids will end up like this poor girl (because they would never be so foolish), it's just that i'm afraid they would be surrounded by over-indulged little brats like little miss windy from nc.

which leads me to my first point. one of the characteristics of members of this unfortunate teen's generation is that they don't know the meaning of "no." this lovely trait has reared its ugly head a bunch in my life in recent years. "kids these days" (cracks me up that i'm almost old enough to say that) have never been told no in their lives and, therefore, do not take criticism well. try giving a performance review to an individual who has never been told they were anything less than absolutely wonderful. they make excuses, they deny and they try to talk their way out of it. which is exactly what miss windy did. she wasn't used to not getting her way and so she made her parents believe that they had no choice but to sign the consent forms and let her marry mr. track coach.

my second point is, these parents are nuts. they claim to have had access to incriminating emails and text messages and still both the school and the local authorities wouldn't listen? i don't buy it. i don't think 2 AM text messages fall into what anyone would call a healthy student-teacher relationship. i'm gonna have to call bullshit on that one. you had all the evidence you needed to at the very least get the teacher fired and you screwed it up. i don't feel sorry for you.

my third point is, if all else fails remove your child from the situation. i understand that you may actually have to move the whole family out of coastal north carolina (trust me, you'll live) or ship your daughter off to boarding school, but i'm sure in the long run you'll find it worth the cost and trouble. you might have to trouble yourself to monitor your child very closely or send her to therapy or alert her new school of this issue or, i don't know, TAKE AWAY ALL CELL PHONE AND EMAIL PRIVILEGES, but again, you'll all live.

so what have we learned from this charade? TELL YOUR CHILDREN NO, PEOPLE! at the very least, it will prepare them for the real world that's full of disappointment and on a good day it'll prevent your teenage daughter from running away with a man that's old enough to be her father.

her father's response to the impending nuptials was "signing those consent forms was the hardest thing i did in my whole life." brace yourself, pops. it may be the hardest thing that you've done thus far, but i bet throwing her a baby shower 6 months from now will be harder. i'd put $50 on it.

dogs are so nuts

so i got this picture from my good friend jess today. it still cracks me up to look at it. it is of her dog, raleigh, playing on a slip 'n slide with her (jess', not raleigh's) two adorable nephews, cullen and caden. so a little background about raleigh. she is one-and-a-half year old crazy little sheltie who loves to bark and growl at just about everything. we have no idea why. it cracks us up most of the time and even mimi (who, as most of you know, growls at everything) thinks it's a bit excessive. i love that she found the slip 'n slide so menacing that it warrented a full-on teeth show. nicely done, rals. nicely done.

mimi and i miss ya, little girl. take care of your mom and dad for us!

i found a house!

i'm so excited i could just spit! i won't do that, but i will post pictures as soon as i have them. i move in august 1, so don't hold your breath.

the vatican is WHACK

um, so is anyone else troubled by the vatican's newly issued "ten commandments of the road"? ok, maybe not troubled...but amused at least? my favorite part was when the report said something about driving being such a big part of contemporary life. a bit behind the times aren't we, pope-ey? ever heard of the internet? cell phones? digital music? no? let's regroup in, say, 100 years or so and we'll publish the church's opinion on those things.

i love that the vatican is willing to venture into the modern world to tell us how to drive our cars, but it still refuses to teach its kids how to use condoms.

bumbling bloomberg

okay, michael bloomberg, you're no longer a republican (not that you ever really were one to begin with). okay, great. what next? should we mark our calendars for your next ideology shift? same time, same place, 2010?

time to make up your mind, son. you've tried about as many parties in your career as i did outfits this morning. one thing the american people don't need right now is indecision, so good thing you're "not running for president," 'cause you wouldn't get my vote. i don't have time to think about you anyway 'cause the democrats' race is far more interesting.

which also begs the question: if you knew you didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning a presidential election, would you still run? granted, i'll never be in that position (thank god), but at a certain point you just have to cut your losses. it's like lovely leslie (for those of you who aren't from austin, he's this crossdressing formerly-homeless lush that runs in every austin mayoral election). there's no way he's going to win, but he runs every year. why put forth the effort? okay, i realize i just likened bloomberg to a drunk fairy (sorry, man) and that it was a pretty bad analogy. maybe leslie is more like ross perot (both are scary and like to run for office)???

i don't get it

i'm not sure i understand this video. i mean, clearly this man likes beef in the booty, but why does he keep saying "what what"? is he asking for a surprise? does he not understand what being a bottom entails? has he just begun to understand that he likes boys and is trying to figure out how the whole sex thing works? ha ha.

not sure why, but this make me laugh so hard my belly hurts every time i watch it.

i hate carpet

10 reasons CARPET SUCKS (and i will never put it down in any house i own):
1. it holds smells
2. it stains
3. when it's clean, it never gleams
4. you can't clean it with any product made by swiffer (no, those damned "carpet flick" things don't work for shit)
5. you don't know who or what has been on it before you (for those of us who rent)
6. it just can't be all that sanitary
7. again, it holds smells
8. to get it really clean, you have to pay someone to steam clean it
9. mimi has been known to throw caution to the wind and pretend it's grass in a pinch
10. spaghetti sauce or red wine + carpet + me = disastrous results. i was so worried living in this corporate apartment that mimi would stain the hell out of the carpet and so far the score is ryan: 2, mimi: 0. in the week i have lived here i have spilled both spaghetti sauce and red wine on this frigging carpet. thank god for all free and clear detergent and my travel toothbrush.

long live hardwood floors and area rugs!!!

house-hunting blows

all i have to say is I HATE LOOKING FOR A NEW PLACE TO LIVE. richmond is not exactly overflowing with decent rental property and since i require ridiculous things like a washer/dryer, a fenced yard that mimi can actually run in and non stinky walls and flooring, i am having a hell of a time finding something acceptable. ugh. do you think i could pay someone to read my mind and do all this hunting for me? do you think they would accept mimi love as a form of payment? she really is the cutest doggie ever and i'm not exactly rollin' in dough these days.

it's friday!!!

hello, loyal readers. i think at this point it's just you, lib. and for that i love you.

so this is my first friday at my new job. the week has gone well overall, but i'm ready to be settled and get down to business. i know, i need to be patient, but anyone who knows me well knows that patience is not really my thing.

so this weekend one of my best friends, miss rachel applegate, is coming down from dc to hang for the weekend. we don't have much planned except for looking at a few houses for me, doing a bit of shopping, getting pedis and exploring richmond. not bad for my first weekend here!

maybe i'll think of something cool to write about later today...

happy friday, all!

at least i'm not the only one who sold out

this really never gets old...

tipping is out of control

i'm in full-on "americans are whack jobs" mode, so you've been warned.

so i was at the grocery store today while i was checking out i noticed that the guy helping me bag my groceries was placing them in a cart that i can only assume exists solely for nice guys to carry bags out for little old ladies. i am clearly not a little old lady so i began placing the bags i assembled myself into the basket i pushed around the store. i was trying to bag quickly so i would have more in my cart than he would in his and maybe this nice man would get the hint that i didn't need help out to my car. i finally had to say "i'm fine. i don't need help out." in the nicest possible way, but he insisted on following me out to my car.

now, i'm sure this man was looking for me to throw him a couple of bucks for the help out to my car, but i didn't give him a dime. call me what you will, but it was pretty clear that i didn't need or want help. am i obligated to tip someone that helps me against my wishes? i think not.

which brings me to another point. this country is nuts for millions of reasons, but one of those is the whole tipping culture. i know it's customary to tip waiters, bellboys, skycaps, hotel maids (i just learned about this one not that long ago), but why? when i lived in australia, you only tipped waiters and none of the other three listed above. and there was none of this 15% rule stuff. if the waiter did a good job, you threw him 10% at the most. if the service was bad, you maybe left a buck or two. waiters in australia make a lot more money in base salary than they do in the states, but still. i hate tipping. it makes me feel awful. it makes me feel like i am saying that person is only worth the $2 i just handed them. why can't we pay people a fair wage and not perpetuate this whole awkward tipping custom?

on a side note: i don't know if this is a southern thing, a ukrop's thing (yes, that is the name of a grocery store in this burg) or just me being uber-perceptive, but there were no corrals for empty grocery carts in the parking lot of the store. oh, ukrop's. so sly. nice men have to follow customers out to their cars 'cause otherwise the empty baskets would sit in the middle of the parking lot. i wonder how much they make in tips every day...

first week in richmond

so it's my first week in richmond and today is my second day at my new job. at any rate, i've listed below a few funny things about this town that i've observed over the past few days:

1. the city of richmond does not reside in a county. does anyone else find that odd? basically you either live in "the city" or in "the counties." curious...
2. downtown richmond contains tons of cobblestone streets. really quaint and all, but also a big pain in the ass if you own an suv.
3. there is no traffic here. no shit. i mean, i currently reside at the end of the earth (in richmond terms at least) and it takes me 20 minutes to get to work. and it's smooth sailing all the way. all hail small towns.
4. the james river that runs through town is serious shit. it has some level 4 (or something like that) rapids right in the middle of the city. i need to learn to kayak. stat.
5. there is a street in this town called monument ave that contains monuments of several civil war heroes. after all, richmond was the capital of the confederacy and all. at any rate, you have j.e.b. stuart, robert e. lee, jefferson davis, stonewall jackson, matthew fontaine maury (another civil war dude i had never heard of)...and...arthur ashe. now am i the only one puzzled by this addition to the avenue???

stay tuned for more interesting factoids about my new city of residence. you really never know what will happen here. after all, it is the south and all...

here goes...

in light of my recent decision to pick up and move to central virginia, i've decided to start a blog. now, please note that this here blog has no set direction or real point, so don't expect much. i might write while at work, i might write at 3 AM after a long night of beer-drinking. i really can't say at the moment. so get ready to hear about my new life on the east coast!